Dark Chocolate

NAME: Dark Chocolate, The Bitter One
FACTION: The Forgotten Confectionery Coalition (FCC)
CLASS: Cacao Revenant/ Melancholic War-Dessert
Alignment: Chaotic Existential Crisis
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BACKSTORY: "The Bitter Truth"
Dark Chocolate was not born, but tempered—in the fiery forges of a cursed patisserie on the edge of the Sugar Wastes. He emerged from a vat of 85% cacao, forged from the broken dreams of failed bakers and the tears of dentists. While his cousins—Milk Chocolate, White Chocolate, and that weird Ruby Chocolate—were coddled, cased in candy bars, and loved by children, Dark was left on the bitter shelf, labelled "an acquired taste."
His parents?
Unconfirmed. Rumours say his mother was a cacao bean harvested during a thunderstorm, and his father was just... existential dread in powdered form.
His first memory?
Being rejected from a Valentine's Day gift box for being "too intense."
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THE GREAT TRAUMA
During the Confectionery Wars, his people were massacred by the Caramel Empire, who claimed Dark Chocolate was "too niche to market." His best friend, Hazelnut Ganache, exploded in a truffle mine. His pet marshmallow, Squish, melted in the sun and never reformed.
After surviving a nougat ambush, Dark wandered the Wastelands, gnawing on expired biscotti, tormented by the laughter of children screaming, “Eww, dark chocolate? That’s for old people!”
One day, he stumbled upon a sacred relic:
A half-eaten 90% cocoa bar under a gym bench.
He wept. For the first time in 17 years, he wept cocoa nibs.
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NOW…
Dark Chocolate fights not for glory, nor justice, but to make people feel vaguely guilty and weird about their food choices. He commands armies of bitter baristas, retired pastry chefs, and rogue espresso shots.
He’ll whisper to your soul during cutscenes:
"You like sweetness because you fear depth."
And when he wins a battle? He doesn’t celebrate.
He just stares into the middle distance and mutters,
"They’ll still pick Milk over me..."
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CATCHPHRASES:
“Sweetness is a lie parents tell their kids.”
“I’m not bitter. I’m complex.”
“Your tears… they pair well with despair.”
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